Goblin Ale
by Rachgraceh
Summary: Jareth's goblins have given Sara no end of trouble since she beat the Labyrinth five years earlier. But one night things go too far when Sarah wakes to find Toby a bit tipsy. Outrage, glitter and puffy hair soon ensue. - Oneshot


It had been five years since Sarah Williams had declared the mighty Goblin King powerless. But apparently, his irritating little minions where exempt from that triumph.

Even since she'd returned home, the goblins had taken great pleasure in "helping" their beloved champion of the Labryinth. And by helping, of course we mean making messes and mischief where ever they went. The goblins would just pop up, at Sarah's home, at her work, even at Toby's school. Thank goodness they were the only two who could see them, or the authorities might shut down that part of the country because of all their helpfulness. They drove her around the bend, doing stupid little things like painting the whole bathroom blue, right down to the dead flies in the corner, or shaving off all Toby's hair, or their absolute refusal to call her anything but "Queenie." But she could usually handle them, unless they got it into their heads that their help was needed.

Unfortunately, Sarah and Toby had often had to bear the brunt of the goblins' consequences. There was that one time when they had gone to the zoo, and the six-year-old had expressed a longing to take one of the monkeys home. Sarah of course said no, but the next morning, she found a monkey in the kitchen, sitting in a puddle of raw eggs and dumping flour over his head. A second had poor Toby in hysterics as it proceeded to rip the limbs off his favorite stuffed animals. She found a third about to urinate all over her computer.

Special goblin delivery.

She had had to call the zoo, and try to explain how on earth three monkeys had gotten into her apartment. The police even made her take a polygraph to prove she hadn't stolen them.

Then there was the time Sara wished aloud that she had more energy. She had been extremely sleep deprived at the time. The goblins responded by dissolving fifteen caffeine pills in her coffee the next morning. Unfortunately, it does not take much to get Sarah Williams hyper, and her resulting behavior at work that day nearly got her fired, before she blacked out cold, and was taken to the hospital.

Sarah was starting to lose count of how many times the police had come knocking at her door, of how many neighbors the goblins, or rather _she_ had offended, and she was very tired of the school counselor bothering her about Toby's obsession with his imaginary friends.

The one odd thing was that often, she would discover that the crisis would mysteriously clean itself up. Most of the messes would disappear as soon as she turned her back. Every time the police came to her door, it was the first count on her record, and they couldn't believe why a sweet looking girl like her would steal a little granny's life savings to buy an apartment full of candy and videogames. Neighbors, who had sworn at her till the air was so blue and thick she though they might choke, were her best friends again the next day.

It reeked of Jareth.

She wasn't sure whether he was letting them do this because it gave him an opportunity to gloat over helping her, or if he truly had no control over the goblins, and was trying to make amends by fixing things. Sarah guessed it was something like the first, since the Goblin King and anything remotely like an apology wouldn't even be compatible in the same sentence. If _that_ ever happened, the universe would probably implode.

The thing was, Sarah knew Jareth punished his demon horde. Every time they came back, they smelled a little riper. It was getting so all she had to do was breath to know they were there.

Yet, even if she would never admit it, Sarah was secretly thankful for his help. She didn't know what she would do if he didn't tidy thinks up. And that thought goaded her the most. That she might somehow be indebted to the Goblin King was not a pleasant prospect, and the possibility that he might be orchestrating the whole thing for that very reason made her blood boil.

At times she was so tempted just to call Jareth and make him get rid of his goons. But she couldn't. That would be acknowledging that he did have some power over her, that she did need him, or at least need his help in some measure, and that would undermine everything she'd tried desperately to convince herself of over the last five years. No, she would stick it out.

Jareth stood in the shadows, watching Sarah's troubled dreams. More goblin night terrors. He smirked. He knew he really should put an end to the goblins' high jinx, but it was so amusing seeing his champion red and irritated.

He had come on important business, but when he'd appeared in her room, he could not help peeking into her dreams. She stirred restlessly.

She really was exquisite, her brown waves fanning over the pillow, tendrils falling across a flushed, alabaster cheek.

Jareth was beginning to have serious thoughts about whether or not he should let his goblins continue to invade her privacy. While he had not in any way given permission for all of this, he hadn't done much to prevent it, other a few boggings for particularly gross misdeeds, and a lot of damage control, which to be honest, he rather enjoyed.

But he knew her nerves were worn thin lately, what with trying to keep a job she hated, support and be mother _and_ sister to Toby since their parents had tragically passed in a car crash the year before, _and_ trying to complete her education. So why did he let this continue?

He let his eyes wander over her sleeping form. Physically, she was not much changed from when she ran the Labyrinth. A little taller perhaps, hair was a bit longer, but still with those eyes that seem to look straight at his soul.

Yes, time and circumstance had banished the bratty child, and replaced her with a young woman mature far beyond her twenty years.

Jareth leaned against the picture plastered wall. It really was selfish of him to keep this up, but he felt it was his only connection to her. If he made this stop, what then? How could he keep himself in her mind? Jareth smirked. No. He wasn't about to be that selfless.

He pushed off the wall, but shrunk back then Sarah's door burst open, and a gurgling little figure stumbled in.

Something heavy flopped on her belly, and Sarah gasped awake. She craned her neck to see what had woken her.

Toby was stretched over her torso, mumbling and giggling.

"Toby," Sarah ground out, less than pleased to be yanked out of sleep, "What are you doing?"

The boy lifted his head, and gave her a sloppy grin, sans one of his front teeth.

"Sahwa, you wanna have fawn?"

Sarah frowned. He hadn't slurred like that since he was tiny.

"Go back to bed Toby, you're exhausted." And she flinging herself back into the pillows.

Toby made a winey sound, and straightening, lurched forward and dive-bombed her breasts.

"But Sahwa," He blurred, face inches away from her's.

Sarah wrinkled her nose at his breath. It reeked of alcohol, and not anything weak ever. She grabbed his sleeve and lost his balance and face planted into her chest in a fit of giggles. Sarah ignored him and sniffed. The kid smelled like a distillery!

Sarah sat bolt upright and grabbed her brother's shoulders. "Toby, WHAT have you been drinking!?"

Another silly grin.

"Da gobins calw it happy. You wah some happy Sahwa?"

Just then, there was the sound of breaking glass from somewhere in the apartment. Sarah let go with a furious shriek, and jerked the covers off. Toby sprawled over the bed as his sister leaped out, and paced to the living room.

"If I ever get my hands on that glittery idiot, so help me I'll –" Colorful words died on the tip of her tongue as she stepped into the room.

The place was trashed! The curtains where ripped and torn off the window, there was a hole in the wall, food was spattered, dishes and lamps where scattered in broken pieces on the floor, furniture was over turned, and a keg of what-ever-kind-of-liquor-it-was had broken, the contents pooling and soaked into the carpet. Goblins swarmed over everything, laughing and yelling, and sloshing one another with the liquid in their steins. More crashing came from the kitchen.

White hot anger ripped through her veins. Sarah clamped her fingers over her mouth and screamed.

"IT'S NOT FAIR!"

An instant later, she felt hands grip her waist, and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

"You say that so often," A satiny voice purred against her ear. "I wonder what your basis for comparison is."

Sarah whipped around, hand raised to slap, but Jareth was faster, catching her wrist just before it met its target. Sarah growled, flexing the fingers of her captured hand. She tried hard to focus on how angry she was, so she wouldn't have to acknowledge him in all his regal elegance.

"Get. Them. Out of here!" She spat. "I'll be lucky if I don't get thrown out for this!"

Jareth tsked . "Sarah, Sarah, I'm hardly about to do as you ask when you greet me with violence. If you were to ask politely, perhaps I would clean up your little mess."

"_My _little mess? Oh no. I'm not the one who can't control my own goons!"

"Whatever gave you the idea that I wasn't controlling them?" He smirked. "Now, what was that you were saying? About what you would do when you got your hands on a glittery idiot? Because I believe what you have in mind and what I have in mind are two different things entirely."

Sarah trembled in rage. She dug the fingers of her free hand into the fleece of her Minnie mouse sleep pants to keep herself from raking fingernails across his magnificent face.

He smirked. "You are a lovely shade of red Precious. I suggest you calm down."

Abruptly, he jerked her to the side, wrapping his arms round her, and they fell together against the hall wall.

Sarah thrashed against his hold until she heard the crash of a lamp as it hit the floor a few feet away.

"That is QUITE enough!" Jareth roared, drawing himself up, suddenly becoming every inch a terrible king. The goblins went still in petrified horror. "I should drown you all in the bog for this!" His arms tightened around Sarah.

"I set one rule; that you should be allowed to visit so long as no harm came to the champion or her brother. You have already broken that rule with the child, and very nearly with your lady."

The only reason Sarah let lady slide unprotested was Jareth's comment about Toby.

"Toby! What's happened to Toby?" She began to wriggle again.

"I consider intoxicating a six year old child harmful, don't you?"

Sarah opened her mouth to answer, but stopped when they heard an awful choking, retching sound coming from Sarah's room. Sarah wrenched herself free and tore down the hall. Toby appeared just as she reached the bedroom door, tears streaming down his cheeks, his dinner on his chest, and dibbing off his chin.

"Sahwa," He hiccupped pitifully, "aw made a mess ah yo bed."

He swayed backwards, and Sarah caught him by the shoulders. Toby reached up to wrap his arms around her. Sarah jerked, and held her body away. The look on her brother's face nearly broke her heart.

"You doe wanna hug me?" More tears.

"Yes Toby, I do and I will, just as soon as you're clean. Come on." She ushered him toward the bathroom, shooting Jareth death glares as they turned the corner.

She helped Toby out of his filthy cloths, and eased him into the tub. As soon as she was sure he would be ok for few minutes, she tromped back to the door of her room.

Half dreading what she'd see, she peeked in. Her shoulders drooped, and she gave a little moan of defeat. Toby'd gotten sick all over the sheets and comforter, and remnants of their spaghetti dinner were dibbled on the carpet.

Anger welled up again. She wheeled, and marched to the living room where Jareth had a goblin by the scruff of his collar.

"How could you let this happen?"

Jareth ignored her, and smashed a crystal into the trembling goblin's forehead, making the creature disappear.

"I came as soon as I discovered the goblin ale was missing." He reached out to snag another scurrying imp.

"Well, if you'd been pay more _attention _maybe–"

"Sarah, despite what you think, I have other things to do besides terrorizing runners all day." His irritated tone had a touch of weariness to it, but Sarah ignored it.

Smash! Another goblin disappeared in a poof of glittery smoke.

"What, like stalk innocent young women?"

Jareth smirked

"Think what you will."

Crash. Another goblin vanished

"If I were you, I would keep Toby home from school tomorrow. Goblin ale is much stronger than anything you can get a hold of up here. He will have a dreadful headache in the morning. "

"Sahwa!" Came a garbled call from the bathroom.

Without a word she raced back to the Toby. She arrived just in time to grab the (thankful empty) garbage can, and shove it under his mouth.

She helped Toby wash a quickly as she could, as the boy was so tired by this point, he could hardly keep his head from falling back into the water.

Just as she was helping the exhausted little boy into clean jammies, there was an earsplitting blast, then dead calm.

Half carrying Toby, Sarah hurried him into his run and under the covers. He was instantly asleep.

She rushed back to the living room and, for the second time that night, (early morning by now) Sarah stopped in her tracks.

It was perfect. Everything was perfect. Books were on shelves instead of shredded on the floor; the stains were nowhere to be seen. Picture frames were repaired and straightened. Doubtless her room would be the same, bed flawless, sheets smelling of Jareth.

Sarah let out a long, irritated sigh. He'd done it again.

As if reading her mind, Jareth's voice echoed through the now pristine room.

"I would say you most defiantly owe me, Sarah mine."

"It's not fair." She grumbled softly.

The only answer she got was the Goblin King's echoing laughter.

The man's pants are so tight it restricts the blood flow to his brain!


End file.
